Dare The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast (Audible Audio Edition) Barry McDonagh BMD Publishing Books
Download As PDF : Dare The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast (Audible Audio Edition) Barry McDonagh BMD Publishing Books
There's a new and faster way of anxiety relief, but few have ever heard it. Most people are advised to either just "manage" their anxiety or medicate it away.
If you're tired of just managing your anxiety and want a powerful natural solution, then apply the DARE technique, as explained in Barry McDonagh's latest book.
Based on hard science and over 10 years of helping people who suffer from anxiety, Barry McDonagh shares his most effective technique in this new book. The DARE technique can be used by everyone, regardless of age or background, to live lives free from anxiety or panic attacks.
In this step-by-step guide, you will discover how to
- Stop panic attacks and end feelings of general anxiety
- Face any anxious situation you've been avoiding (driving, flying, shopping, etc.)
- Put an end to anxious or intrusive thoughts
- Use the correct natural supplements to relieve anxiety
- Boost your confidence and feel like your old self again
- Fall asleep faster and with less anxiety each night
- Live a more bold and adventurous life again
Dare The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast (Audible Audio Edition) Barry McDonagh BMD Publishing Books
Alright, so I'm finally starting to come out of this year long bout of anxiety and have quite a few comments, good and constructive, about this book. Please do not tune this out because I am not on the 5 star train or this being long. I hope my analysis will help you in your own journey. Here we go:---Pros---
1. Simple: Presents a simple method. Notice I said simple, not easy. It will likely take time and practice. But it is easy to spot where you went wrong.
2. Personable: Barry talks to you like a friend and human being deserving of respect, not as a patient or lab rat as many other books do.
3. Addresses the problem: Directly addresses fear of fear and a logical way out, unlike many books and psychiatrists which will label you as lifelong disabled requiring medication and "management".
4. 21st century adaptations: DARE program has apps, coaching, mindfulness meditations, social media outlets, etc.
---Cons---
1. Secondary Source Information: This is not a "breakthrough from outside the world of academia" and certainly not deserving of the tagline, "Every once in a while a book comes along that completely transform that field - this is that book for anxiety." Outside of Barry describing his personal experiences, literally 80% of the contest is rework from Dr. Claire Weekes' book Hope and Help for Your Nerves with vital points missing. Several sentences are copied and pasted from her book with only a word or so changed. If it wasn't for his book, I would have never found Dr. Weekes' books since she has been dead for 30 years. They are more intelligent, more practical, more thorough, more empathetic, and more genuine than Barry's DARE book, in addition to containing many vital points he did not include. It also gave me encouragement that these are real problems, not a result of counterculture of the 1970s, generation "snowflake"/millennials, social media, etc., as Hope And Help for Your Nerves was written in 1962 and describes my life to a tee.
Barry's DARE approach: D - Diffuse, A - Allow, R - Run Towards, E - Engage
Dr. Weekes' approach in several books: Face, Accept, Float (basically Accept on steroids), Let Time Pass
2. Application of DARE Approach to Outside of Panic Disorder/Agoraphobia (Fear of Fear) Not Well Defined: Barry claims the approach as written works for OCD, Social Anxiety, GAD, PTSD, Depression - whatever you have, and several reviewers including myself are scratching our heads - "huh?". It is true that Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), the foundation of the DARE book can be applied to other problems - you just have to know how. See my recommendations for books below.
3. Unhealthily Negative Approach to Medication: Barry talks down medication in every reference he makes to it, from claiming it is a myth that anxiety should be medicated away, people walking around with Xanax in their pockets as a crutch, etc. As Dr. Weekes describes and Brain Lock describes (applies even if you don't have OCD), there are appropriate and inappropriate uses of medications. Long term use of benzodiazepines (Xanax, etc.) leads to addiction and long term use of SSRIs/SNRIs (Zoloft, Prozac, etc.) is like "walking a tightrope". If you aren't learning skills to cope with the anxiety, when the SSRIs/SNRIs poop out (might be 12 months, might be 12 years after starting), you will fall down. Medication only prolongs the inevitable need to learn to accept the sensations. Unfortunately many psychiatrists (including several of mine past) view it as a long term solution in the "anxiety management" model. So what is an appropriate use of medication? Brain Lock describes it best as a comparison to "water wings" when a child is learning to swim. For me and many others, the anxiety, panic, and depression is simply too overwhelming to do anything. An SSRI lifted me up and made SO MUCH EASIER to be able to apply the DARE approach. Just like "water wings" for swimming in which air can be let out over time to lessen the floatation effect, the medication dose can be decreased SLOWLY. Brain Lock author said that most people he treated for OCD eventually require a low dosage or no medication. Given that OCD is much more biological in nature than any other anxiety/depression disorder, that is highly highly encouraging that folks with other issues can do it too.
4. Barry's Ego Gets in the Way At Times: From the very beginning of the book he said this "journey" is "not for everyone." To his credit, there are some great chapters on not giving into shame, but what if the DARE approach isn't enough? What if you need medication? What if you need to leave your job/schooling for a while? What if you need more help than traditional outpatient can provide? I tend to think it would make Barry look bad to discuss this, as he makes the DARE process out to feel fail proof. And some people might be cured right away. I wasn't one, and struggled hard and almost threw the book in the trashcan as I withdrew into deep depression and shame feeling like a failure that the Amazon "miracle cure" DARE book on anxiety with 90% 5 stars could not cure me.
5. The DARE Book Only Discusses Half of the Problem For Many People: What if your anxiety/panic started because of Insoluble Problems (bad work/home situation), Sorrow, Guilt, Disgrace? And so that is issue number one along with issue two being fear of fear. DARE will help with the fear of fear, but half of Dr. Weekes' book covers issue number one that the DARE book is missing. Also, chronic anxiety, panic, fear of fear over time fatigues the body and mind and leads to in this order: indecision, suggestibility, loss of confidence, feelings of personality disintegration, feelings of unreality, obsession, depression/apathy. I myself got all the way to depression/apathy and could felt like I couldn't keep winding myself to do the DARE approach. DARE, Dr. Weekes' book and short term medication helped me power through the depression.
6. Encourages Engaging in Activities Too Aggressively: Step E of DARE is Engage which means fill yourself with activities. So here I was rushing here, rushing there, trying to occupy every second of my time, doing relaxation exercises, physical exercises, doing mindfulness exercises 3 times a day, visit this therapist, visit that therapist, in order to be healed quickly. That only accelerated my decline into Depression/Apathy. I was spent. And I didn't know what was wrong with me. You have to do all this in moderation. Float along with it, accept things for how they are. Do occupation only in your capacity, even if it means leaving work/school for a little while. I felt so much better after giving myself permission to sleep more, feel bad, be anxious, etc.
---Advice to You from Me**---
**Disclaimer: use at your own risk.
1. Go SLOW and at Your Own Pace: Everyone heals differently. As Dr. Weekes said, some are cured after reading her book once and some it takes months if not years. See item 6 on cons. Do not exhaust yourself trying to be a hero. Go slow and at your own, steady pace.
2. Expect to Use DARE As A Handbook: The first time you read these books it will be monumental. However, plan to keep the Kindle version on your phone or carry the book with you. At times when I get all panicky I will read some from the books and it helps almost as much as Xanax.
3. If You Need More Help, Admit It: Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. I was so afraid to ask for more help due to the stigma and having to leave work temporally but I am soooo glad I did. Life is too short. The first step is a therapist and a psychiatrist for medication. Obviously that step doesn't require leaving work or school. The second step is Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) which is 3 days a week for 3 hours a day, which could be done with part time work or reduced hours. The third step is Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) which is 5 days a week for 6 hours a day. The fourth and final step is Inpatient Hospitalization, but honestly few anxious people need that unless they are facing drug addictions, suicidal urges, homicidal urges, etc.
4. Get Your Friends/Trusted Family in the Loop: Talk to your friends and trusted family members. I withdrew from my best friends for 10 months and they thought I didn't want to be friends anymore. I finally explained to them what was going on at the same time I was seeking more help, and they were EXTREMELY supportive. Well, most of them. That's the other thing I found out. When you suffer with anything whether it be anxiety, cancer, etc., you will find out who your true friends are. The ones who didn't support me I pruned out of my life and the ones that did and I are even closer.
5. Don't be Afraid/Disenchanted to Try Medication: Don't try to be a hero. If it is too much to handle with an honest effort at the DARE approach and reasonable time passing, pursue medication. You have to be functional in your work and school domains so that you can financially afford to live. I tried to be a hero and do without medication and work became too much to handle and things declined to the point where I was depressed and had to leave work to recover.
6. Stay Away From Psychoanalysists….At Least Until You are Less Sensitized to Anxiety: First off, let me define a Psychoanalysist. Not all therapists are them. Psychoanalysis tries to determine causes from childhood trauma, past pains, etc. -- think laying on the couch, Freud, etc. My mom died when I was age 4. When I'm battling intense panic driven from a fear of fear and a bad work situation, do you think I want to talk about my mom dying? That made things HORRIBLE. Few people recover this way. So hold off them at least until you are less anxious. Always ask a new therapist his or her approach before visiting.
7. Make the Most Out of Therapy Appointments: Therapists don’t want to admit it, but bibliotherapy (self-help through books) has a very high success rate and is CHEAP. You can buy a whole bookshelf of books for less than the price of one therapy session nowadays. So try the books first. They are written by world class authors who know more about the specific subject than most therapists do in my opinion. Therapists are good for insoluble problems and seeing things that you can't see so they still provide much value.
8. Get Out of the Bad Situation if You Are Able: Wounds opened daily are too slow to heal. It's not always wise for everyone to leave work or school due to lack of organized occupation, but sometimes you have to. I was skeptical but it helped me so much to heal before going back. Just know a few things. Everyone says "oh you are protected for having a disability", etc. What does that mean? Look into your company HR policies as well as federal/state/local governmental regulations about what your rights are in the workplace. They can give you "reasonable accommodations" but they do not have to put up with a performance decline. If your performance is failing, look into FMLA and short term disability. FMLA guarantees you 3 months off unpaid protected per year in the US, and the STD makes it paid. Also -- YOUR BOSS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. I don't care what kind of mental health support HR propaganda your company has. I don't care how kind and considerate your boss seems, willing to meet you outside work for coffee/beer. Often times they do this to get more information out of you, which you are likely to give it not careful in your vulnerable state. Happened to me. The truth is they have to make business decisions based on your performance. Discrimination is not always easy to prove. You only tell them the minimum information needed per regulations and to cool their nerves about your behavior. And document EVERYTHING, all conversations, all harassment if any exists by e-mail and BCC your personal e-mail. Most therapists I've encountered in private practice have never worked for a typical job or corporation and are very disconnected with how to handle HR, etc. So take their word with a grain of salt.
9. You Will Come Out of This at the Other End: This stuff always passes. I felt horribly helpless and feel so much better now. You can do it if I can do it.
10. Be Humble and Kind: Everyone heals at their own rate. Some are unresponsive to medications and suffer hard for a very long time. I had a bout of anxiety in 2008 that I resolved quickly (nowhere near as severe as today). For years, I had little patience for people with anxiety or other ailments and just thought "it's easy…go read this book and take this pill." Then I struggled hard this past year. My anxiety turned me from a very uptight, cut throat, intolerant person to a person filled with kindness and compassion. Realize that sometimes good people struggle and need a chance to get back up again.
---Useful Books That Helped Me---
Recommended reading in this order:
1. DARE by Barry McDonagh. Duh.
2. Hope and Help for Your Nerves (UK edition - Self-Help for Your Nerves) by Dr. Claire Weekes. The staple that started it all.
3. The Mindful Way Through Depression by Mark Williams and John Teasdale. Applies just as well to anxiety. Gives you an understanding of how the method behind DARE/Dr. Weekes' books can be applied to other issues besides fear of fear.
4. Essential Help for Your Nerves (2 books in one - More Help for Your Nerves and Peace From Nervous Suffering) by Dr. Claire Weekes. Needs to be read after Book 1, but contains more and updated information.
5. If you suffer from Agoraphobia (fear of places/situations where attacks have occurred), read Simple Effective Treatment of Agoraphobia by Dr. Claire Weekes. Needs to be read after Book 1, but contains more and updated information.
6. If you suffer from OCD, read Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffery M. Schwartz. Gives you an understanding of how the method behind DARE/Dr. Weekes' books can be applied to OCD.
7. If you suffer from Depression, read The Depression Cure by Stephen S. Ilardi. Non medication treatments for depression and anxiety. However, GO SLOW AND AT YOUR OWN PACE.
Good luck, you can do it!
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Dare The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast (Audible Audio Edition) Barry McDonagh BMD Publishing Books Reviews
Hello Everyone, I have suffered with aniexty and panic attacks for more than 10 years, I also visited a therapist several times, with only temporary fixes. I will not take any medications, and deep breathing into paper bags didn't help. I purchased DARE a week ago, because
,I was desperate. I have to say my results are short of amazing, the thought of facing my fears and, defusing the attack and allowing it to happen works wonders. I am a very skeptic person, and honestly say this book is helping me tremendously.
First off, I have been dealing with on and off panic disorder since the age of 8, and by age 12 I thought I had completely overcome it and was doing very well. I had been in a constant state of "flow", as Barry would call it, for a good few years other than the occasional social anxiety--Up until the fateful day in 2013 at age 15 when panic struck out of literally nowhere. I was even at home. However, I didn't recognize it as panic at the time. I was so caught off guard I thought it had to have been a health issue. Maybe a heart attack or maybe there’s something REALLY wrong, like, I’ve been terminally ill for years and just don’t know it yet. There was no other explanation. After some ER visits, a couple of heart monitors and echocardiograms, I was disappointed to figure out that it was just panic--yes, I was disappointed. It's so much easier to cure a physiological issue than a psychological one. After that incident, I was in a constant state of panic. I had the panic attack that never ended, that kept me bound to my bed (thank God for homeschool). It was a 24/7 panic attack for a good few months, the counselors were baffled, since panic attacks are usually very short lived compared to lasting for weeks or months at a time. It's true, though, my heart rate was constantly elevated close to 200bpm, I saw danger in every corner, I didn't want to leave home, or be alone, at ages 15-17, I wanted to die because it just would NOT end. And basic relaxation techniques provided and repeated to me once a week were certainly of no use to my case. For those few years I would always say that if this year doesn't get better, I'm going to give up. I guarantee you, I have read more panic and anxiety cure articles and forums than anyone on this planet. I've been through many counselors. I have tried supplements which were actually the only thing that didn't seem entirely useless. Some supplements do help, as stated in the book. However, in general, I was constantly taking one step forward and ten steps backward. I had really lost all hope a few times. I was fear stricken even in the "comfort" of my own home. I saw the risk in everything--no matter how small--never the benefits. I thought I had completely lost it at one point, refusing to eat the majority of food for fear of a "sudden allergy". Looking back that sounds literally insane. I couldn't be in a car for more than 30 minutes at a time or I would get claustrophobic and panic. I was afraid of dying in my sleep. Afraid of passing out, anywhere and everywhere. (Dizziness was a main symptom for me, as I have fainted in the way past and remained terrified of the sensation years later). Afraid of flashing lights for fear of "a seizure". Wouldn't dare to be out of sight of a "safe person". I would've been genuinely content living in a hospital at that point because I felt it was the only true safe zone. I hadn't seen any friends in those few years. Anxiety had stolen almost three years of my life. Three teenage years. Not to mention, half of my childhood before this new bout came along. I missed out on many opportunities. Anxiety aside, I could have really had a lot going for me. It's quite sad looking back on it. Now the reason for the intense elaboration on my personal story/panic disorder is because I want to emphasize that I had it very, very badly. If I can make it through, literally anybody can. I had it so bad that I eventually couldn't relate much to the anxiety forums online anymore because my attacks were so intense and the sensations became so weird that it was almost as if I had entered some sort of psychosis. I wasn’t apart of reality for months at a time. And feeling alone in it all did not help, I’ll tell you that.
Now that we have that out of the way, I'd like to share my journey to the healing part of my panic disorder. Before I get into where the DARE book played its part, I liked to start from the beginning of the journey by saying that by the time I had turned 18, (last year), the anxiety and panic had calmed to a point where it wasn't a constant state anymore. (I will say though, if I found this book back then, it would’ve come to that point a lot sooner). This was probably due to me reuniting with some supportive friends, finding some new music groups and shows that I loved, and could get passionate about. Also, I am very sure that taking certain supplements (5-HTP, magnesium, vitamin D3, L-theanine) that a great doctor I was seeing recommended to me had also played a part in that as well. (Don’t sleep on supplements) However, although I felt better than the two previous years, I was still a slave to my anxiety and panic. It ruled me. I still only went out with friends once a month or less, I used those music groups and shows as a constant distraction and ended up neglecting school work. No matter how elated I felt that my anxiety was going down slowly but surely, it still was not moving quickly enough. I repeated 11th grade. I didn't do well the second time either. I just barely made it. I was just better enough to where I no longer appeared crazy or clearly ill, I just appeared lazy. Little did anyone know, these distractions were just keeping me sane enough. I wasn't really better. I just had worked my way out of one trap only to find myself tied up in a much less constricting trap, but constricting nonetheless. Coming from where I had previously been, I was honestly pretty happy about that for awhile--genuinely. I didn’t really notice how bad it still was. I just knew that I finally felt kind of normal again. It wasn't until shortly after I had turned 19 (a few months ago), that I came to realize that it wasn't normal enough. Panic attacks were still at least a weekly occurrence. The temporary cures were helping but they weren't cutting it. I noticed the fear was slowly creeping back in. If I wasn't actively searching for a cure, it was bound to get worse and end up sending me back into the downwards spiral of the place I had finally crawled my way out of. It was now or never.
Now here is where DARE comes in. Shortly after it occurred to me that I still was not cured of my anxiety and was only wearing a band-aid that would inevitably slip off at some point or another, I knew it was time for some real help. I'm 19, this is a crucial point in my life. I can’t be dealing with this. I needed an amazing fix if I was going to live the independent and anxiety free life I needed to survive in this world. I was running out of time. I was ready for a real cure. I needed one. In desperation, I came to and literally just typed "panic attacks" into the search bar. Yeah. I don't even read books. I didn't know what I was doing. But to my surprise, I saw a 5-star book that claimed to be just the cure I was looking for. I thought, "what? how could this book be a full 5-stars, people with anxiety are always so critical about cure claims, the reviews have gotta be fake". Upon reading some of the incredible reviews however, I became super intrigued--and desperate. I had nothing to lose but a couple of bucks and you can't really put a price tag on a potential cure for an anxiety-free life. When it arrived, I read the whole thing in two days. I could not put it down. I was too amazed with the contents and intrigued by this unheard of method of dealing with panic attacks in a way that never occurred to me after all of my searching. Even before I put the DARE method into practice, I had already felt like I'd won my life back. I felt elated just by reading the book and I was so excited to try it out and put it into action. It covers everything that you need to know. Every question I had along the way was answered as I kept reading on. I was even shocked to see that it covered the panic symptom of derealization in the detail that it had, as that is personally my most prominent panic attack symptom, and honestly, the scariest one of them all, in my opinion--which after reading the book, made me realize it was probably my fear of the derealization that caused it occur so often. I felt so relieved--and skeptical. It was too good to be true. That is, until I began putting the techniques into practice. I had already practiced some diffusing, "what if" techniques (the D step) with one of my many counselors, and while it helped slightly I knew this wasn't gonna be a cure. I still had anxiety. Allowing, (the A step) was one that I had struggled with for years and probably why my anxiety was so high all the time because I tried to refuse to let myself feel that way. I was so angry that I kept feeling that way. To feel any better, I had to learn to let the painfully uncomfortable symptoms join me--and what do you know, they were nicer when I didn't try to rudely kick them out. If only I had read the book sooner I would've known I was doing the complete opposite of what I should have been doing--which is a huge reason why I wasn’t getting better.. When I truly--emphasis on truly--allowed myself to feel the anxiety in it's entirety, that's when I started seeing it fade. I had every strange physical symptom in the book and then some. They were very intense. And I have to admit, sometimes the first two steps just weren't enough in the beginning. This is where my favorite part, the "run towards" step, (the R step) comes in. I love this step. It is the most effective for me personally and it's sometimes even fun to implement depending on how I do it. Demanding and asking for more/worsening of symptoms instead of thinking, "no God please not here, not now" works wonders I would've never thought possible. Of course I was hesitant as first, I thought, "what if they really do get worse and I get dizzy and pass out WHILE DRIVING OR SOMETHING?". One day I decided to let go and test it out and instead think, "so what, I'll pull over and even if I do pass out, so what, if I crash due to fainting I'll get my license taken away and I won't have to even worry about it anymore! So what? That sounds great, I hope the dizziness sticks around and maybe gets even worse. Give me your worst--I dare you." Of course it was sarcastic, but the reason the this step is my personal favorite is because you can do it in any way that works best for you. Implementing sarcasm and humor makes light of it all which personally does wonders. Making light of it and having fun with it while using the “run towards” step is just a really powerful part of diminishing panic symptoms for me because it ends up also putting me in a better mood and making me feel like I can handle anything with my attitude. I am always in control of my own attitude, therefore I felt in control of my anxiety. After the "R" step and getting everything out of it that you can, it makes it so much easier to ease into the "E" step which is engaging with life, or in others simply just continuing to live--continuing your life in the way that you normally would, anxiety or not. Letting it be present, but not-at-all affect the way you live or make any decisions for you, no matter how small. And hey, even if you feel more anxiety coming on just repeat all the DARE steps. Trust me, it’s gonna work.
The only way out is through--through the DARE response. If it works for me there's absolutely no way possible it won't work for you.
The DARE technique aside, I love the way this book completely crushes and dissolves any idea of "safe zones" and "safe people", and "crutches". (However I still think it's smart to always keep your cell phone and basic emergency stuff with you most places). I love the emphasis on making peace with your anxiety as if it was an enemy or bully that you decide to call a truce with. Almost as if you're treating your anxiety the way that you want to be treated. Okay, that might be stretching it a bit, but the more analogies the better. It's a very important concept that must be grasped. Being okay with having anxiety and welcoming it rather than fighting it is such a beyond simple concept that works miracles and the word needs to get out there. All of the other techniques out there need to take a hike, because they're just confusing people by throwing out unhelpful--but well meaning--methods into the mix and discouraging people when they end up feeling even worse. This is the method that is going to work and heal you completely if you stick with it. This is the method that needs to stand out from all of the other ones. This book clears everything right up. It will give you all the tools you will need and more.
One of the best parts, in my opinion, was when he described going through a very scary real life scenario, something I could never imagine happening to me. I love that it acknowledges that life out there really can be scary and sometimes panic is justified and not just random. Things happen. Life comes with a lot of constant worries and concerns. He even provided tools on how to deal with justifiable fear, worry and panic and it was very empowering. This whole book is empowering.
Another thing that I'm so glad he mentioned was how to deal with intrusive or obsessive thoughts and made it explicitly clear that most everyone has or has had them at some point and that it doesn't make you crazy--and more importantly, emphasizes that you're not a bad person because if you were, those crazy weird thoughts wouldn't bother you at all. I think that is a very important subject to acknowledge because it is something that I imagine many omit when seeing their counselor or anybody they vent about their struggles to. They might secretly think they are crazy and maybe feel ashamed and would never dare let anyone know what goes through their heads--and it is a very dark and dangerously self-destructive trap to fall into. The section on intrusive thoughts puts an end to thinking that you're crazy and provides again, some very useful, very fresh tools that will--if you practice--put an end to them in no time.
Towards the end of the book, it also touches on forgiving yourself for having anxiety and how important it is to truly love yourself so you don't subconsciously self-sabotage your own progress--something I am guilty of, and probably many others who don't even realize it. As silly as it sounds, practicing self-love as simple as just telling yourself, “I love myself,” everyday can rewire your brain out of the self-sabotaging state--something I still personally need to practice. When I say the book covers everything, I mean it--even touching on the importance of exercise, water-drinking and supplements to even humor and love. This book is everything you need and more to be well on your way to recovery. And while I don't discredit counseling and therapy--because I think venting and one-on-one therapy is still incredibly helpful to stay on track--this book has been the single most important aspect in my journey to healing, and I just wish I had found it sooner. If you have anxiety and don't go to counseling, at least read this book. And if you do, take this book with you and have your counselor help keep you on track with it. Have it be the basis for all of your counseling sessions. Heck, even suggest that they recommend it to their other patients, I know I have. Because the more the word is spread about this book, maybe the fewer cases of panic disorder we’ll see in this world, and if that isn't motivating, then I don't know what is.
I have been panic free since reading this book this past winter--and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. No fluff, this is the real stuff. Don’t half heartedly try variety of different anxiety techniques. Whole-heartedly put your all into this one. It’s so worth it. Trust me.
It completely changed my perspective on anxiety and even life. It's true--YOU are the cure. You just need the right tools. And this book is it. This book is my tool and I guard it with my life. Anxiety really does have some nice perks--when you go through it, you come out of it a stronger, wiser person and become more appreciative of the small things in life that other people don’t think twice about--for me, anyway. I also struggle with depression caused by my anxiety holding me back, so the less anxiety I have the less depressed I tend to feel--another perk. You only know true happiness when you've gone through true suffering. So be grateful for this opportunity.You'll probably find that you're much happier when you reach the light at the end of the tunnel than the people who have always been there, having never gone through a tunnel of their own.
Instead of fear passing out, having a heart attack, intrusive thoughts, and so on, demand them. Welcome them--and keep at it. You'll be surprised what a difference the simple DARE technique makes. You'll feel better and better the more you practice it, and soon you won't be thinking about any of that old anxiety stuff at all. And even if it decides to stop for a visit down the road, welcome it. Welcome every ounce of the discomfort and fear.
My personal advice to you is this coming from the worst of the worst, I think everyone with anxiety, no matter mild or super-severe-nearly-bad-enough-to-be-hospitalized, you need this book. And keep in mind, I’m not a reader. This book has given me so much personal power and I can’t wait to continue to grow and keep growing. So keep your head up, keep things light-hearted and humorous, make friends with your anxiety, love yourself, and DARE on. It's only up from here.
Alright, so I'm finally starting to come out of this year long bout of anxiety and have quite a few comments, good and constructive, about this book. Please do not tune this out because I am not on the 5 star train or this being long. I hope my analysis will help you in your own journey. Here we go
---Pros---
1. Simple Presents a simple method. Notice I said simple, not easy. It will likely take time and practice. But it is easy to spot where you went wrong.
2. Personable Barry talks to you like a friend and human being deserving of respect, not as a patient or lab rat as many other books do.
3. Addresses the problem Directly addresses fear of fear and a logical way out, unlike many books and psychiatrists which will label you as lifelong disabled requiring medication and "management".
4. 21st century adaptations DARE program has apps, coaching, mindfulness meditations, social media outlets, etc.
---Cons---
1. Secondary Source Information This is not a "breakthrough from outside the world of academia" and certainly not deserving of the tagline, "Every once in a while a book comes along that completely transform that field - this is that book for anxiety." Outside of Barry describing his personal experiences, literally 80% of the contest is rework from Dr. Claire Weekes' book Hope and Help for Your Nerves with vital points missing. Several sentences are copied and pasted from her book with only a word or so changed. If it wasn't for his book, I would have never found Dr. Weekes' books since she has been dead for 30 years. They are more intelligent, more practical, more thorough, more empathetic, and more genuine than Barry's DARE book, in addition to containing many vital points he did not include. It also gave me encouragement that these are real problems, not a result of counterculture of the 1970s, generation "snowflake"/millennials, social media, etc., as Hope And Help for Your Nerves was written in 1962 and describes my life to a tee.
Barry's DARE approach D - Diffuse, A - Allow, R - Run Towards, E - Engage
Dr. Weekes' approach in several books Face, Accept, Float (basically Accept on steroids), Let Time Pass
2. Application of DARE Approach to Outside of Panic Disorder/Agoraphobia (Fear of Fear) Not Well Defined Barry claims the approach as written works for OCD, Social Anxiety, GAD, PTSD, Depression - whatever you have, and several reviewers including myself are scratching our heads - "huh?". It is true that Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), the foundation of the DARE book can be applied to other problems - you just have to know how. See my recommendations for books below.
3. Unhealthily Negative Approach to Medication Barry talks down medication in every reference he makes to it, from claiming it is a myth that anxiety should be medicated away, people walking around with Xanax in their pockets as a crutch, etc. As Dr. Weekes describes and Brain Lock describes (applies even if you don't have OCD), there are appropriate and inappropriate uses of medications. Long term use of benzodiazepines (Xanax, etc.) leads to addiction and long term use of SSRIs/SNRIs (Zoloft, Prozac, etc.) is like "walking a tightrope". If you aren't learning skills to cope with the anxiety, when the SSRIs/SNRIs poop out (might be 12 months, might be 12 years after starting), you will fall down. Medication only prolongs the inevitable need to learn to accept the sensations. Unfortunately many psychiatrists (including several of mine past) view it as a long term solution in the "anxiety management" model. So what is an appropriate use of medication? Brain Lock describes it best as a comparison to "water wings" when a child is learning to swim. For me and many others, the anxiety, panic, and depression is simply too overwhelming to do anything. An SSRI lifted me up and made SO MUCH EASIER to be able to apply the DARE approach. Just like "water wings" for swimming in which air can be let out over time to lessen the floatation effect, the medication dose can be decreased SLOWLY. Brain Lock author said that most people he treated for OCD eventually require a low dosage or no medication. Given that OCD is much more biological in nature than any other anxiety/depression disorder, that is highly highly encouraging that folks with other issues can do it too.
4. Barry's Ego Gets in the Way At Times From the very beginning of the book he said this "journey" is "not for everyone." To his credit, there are some great chapters on not giving into shame, but what if the DARE approach isn't enough? What if you need medication? What if you need to leave your job/schooling for a while? What if you need more help than traditional outpatient can provide? I tend to think it would make Barry look bad to discuss this, as he makes the DARE process out to feel fail proof. And some people might be cured right away. I wasn't one, and struggled hard and almost threw the book in the trashcan as I withdrew into deep depression and shame feeling like a failure that the "miracle cure" DARE book on anxiety with 90% 5 stars could not cure me.
5. The DARE Book Only Discusses Half of the Problem For Many People What if your anxiety/panic started because of Insoluble Problems (bad work/home situation), Sorrow, Guilt, Disgrace? And so that is issue number one along with issue two being fear of fear. DARE will help with the fear of fear, but half of Dr. Weekes' book covers issue number one that the DARE book is missing. Also, chronic anxiety, panic, fear of fear over time fatigues the body and mind and leads to in this order indecision, suggestibility, loss of confidence, feelings of personality disintegration, feelings of unreality, obsession, depression/apathy. I myself got all the way to depression/apathy and could felt like I couldn't keep winding myself to do the DARE approach. DARE, Dr. Weekes' book and short term medication helped me power through the depression.
6. Encourages Engaging in Activities Too Aggressively Step E of DARE is Engage which means fill yourself with activities. So here I was rushing here, rushing there, trying to occupy every second of my time, doing relaxation exercises, physical exercises, doing mindfulness exercises 3 times a day, visit this therapist, visit that therapist, in order to be healed quickly. That only accelerated my decline into Depression/Apathy. I was spent. And I didn't know what was wrong with me. You have to do all this in moderation. Float along with it, accept things for how they are. Do occupation only in your capacity, even if it means leaving work/school for a little while. I felt so much better after giving myself permission to sleep more, feel bad, be anxious, etc.
---Advice to You from Me**---
**Disclaimer use at your own risk.
1. Go SLOW and at Your Own Pace Everyone heals differently. As Dr. Weekes said, some are cured after reading her book once and some it takes months if not years. See item 6 on cons. Do not exhaust yourself trying to be a hero. Go slow and at your own, steady pace.
2. Expect to Use DARE As A Handbook The first time you read these books it will be monumental. However, plan to keep the version on your phone or carry the book with you. At times when I get all panicky I will read some from the books and it helps almost as much as Xanax.
3. If You Need More Help, Admit It Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. I was so afraid to ask for more help due to the stigma and having to leave work temporally but I am soooo glad I did. Life is too short. The first step is a therapist and a psychiatrist for medication. Obviously that step doesn't require leaving work or school. The second step is Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) which is 3 days a week for 3 hours a day, which could be done with part time work or reduced hours. The third step is Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) which is 5 days a week for 6 hours a day. The fourth and final step is Inpatient Hospitalization, but honestly few anxious people need that unless they are facing drug addictions, suicidal urges, homicidal urges, etc.
4. Get Your Friends/Trusted Family in the Loop Talk to your friends and trusted family members. I withdrew from my best friends for 10 months and they thought I didn't want to be friends anymore. I finally explained to them what was going on at the same time I was seeking more help, and they were EXTREMELY supportive. Well, most of them. That's the other thing I found out. When you suffer with anything whether it be anxiety, cancer, etc., you will find out who your true friends are. The ones who didn't support me I pruned out of my life and the ones that did and I are even closer.
5. Don't be Afraid/Disenchanted to Try Medication Don't try to be a hero. If it is too much to handle with an honest effort at the DARE approach and reasonable time passing, pursue medication. You have to be functional in your work and school domains so that you can financially afford to live. I tried to be a hero and do without medication and work became too much to handle and things declined to the point where I was depressed and had to leave work to recover.
6. Stay Away From Psychoanalysists….At Least Until You are Less Sensitized to Anxiety First off, let me define a Psychoanalysist. Not all therapists are them. Psychoanalysis tries to determine causes from childhood trauma, past pains, etc. -- think laying on the couch, Freud, etc. My mom died when I was age 4. When I'm battling intense panic driven from a fear of fear and a bad work situation, do you think I want to talk about my mom dying? That made things HORRIBLE. Few people recover this way. So hold off them at least until you are less anxious. Always ask a new therapist his or her approach before visiting.
7. Make the Most Out of Therapy Appointments Therapists don’t want to admit it, but bibliotherapy (self-help through books) has a very high success rate and is CHEAP. You can buy a whole bookshelf of books for less than the price of one therapy session nowadays. So try the books first. They are written by world class authors who know more about the specific subject than most therapists do in my opinion. Therapists are good for insoluble problems and seeing things that you can't see so they still provide much value.
8. Get Out of the Bad Situation if You Are Able Wounds opened daily are too slow to heal. It's not always wise for everyone to leave work or school due to lack of organized occupation, but sometimes you have to. I was skeptical but it helped me so much to heal before going back. Just know a few things. Everyone says "oh you are protected for having a disability", etc. What does that mean? Look into your company HR policies as well as federal/state/local governmental regulations about what your rights are in the workplace. They can give you "reasonable accommodations" but they do not have to put up with a performance decline. If your performance is failing, look into FMLA and short term disability. FMLA guarantees you 3 months off unpaid protected per year in the US, and the STD makes it paid. Also -- YOUR BOSS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. I don't care what kind of mental health support HR propaganda your company has. I don't care how kind and considerate your boss seems, willing to meet you outside work for coffee/beer. Often times they do this to get more information out of you, which you are likely to give it not careful in your vulnerable state. Happened to me. The truth is they have to make business decisions based on your performance. Discrimination is not always easy to prove. You only tell them the minimum information needed per regulations and to cool their nerves about your behavior. And document EVERYTHING, all conversations, all harassment if any exists by e-mail and BCC your personal e-mail. Most therapists I've encountered in private practice have never worked for a typical job or corporation and are very disconnected with how to handle HR, etc. So take their word with a grain of salt.
9. You Will Come Out of This at the Other End This stuff always passes. I felt horribly helpless and feel so much better now. You can do it if I can do it.
10. Be Humble and Kind Everyone heals at their own rate. Some are unresponsive to medications and suffer hard for a very long time. I had a bout of anxiety in 2008 that I resolved quickly (nowhere near as severe as today). For years, I had little patience for people with anxiety or other ailments and just thought "it's easy…go read this book and take this pill." Then I struggled hard this past year. My anxiety turned me from a very uptight, cut throat, intolerant person to a person filled with kindness and compassion. Realize that sometimes good people struggle and need a chance to get back up again.
---Useful Books That Helped Me---
Recommended reading in this order
1. DARE by Barry McDonagh. Duh.
2. Hope and Help for Your Nerves (UK edition - Self-Help for Your Nerves) by Dr. Claire Weekes. The staple that started it all.
3. The Mindful Way Through Depression by Mark Williams and John Teasdale. Applies just as well to anxiety. Gives you an understanding of how the method behind DARE/Dr. Weekes' books can be applied to other issues besides fear of fear.
4. Essential Help for Your Nerves (2 books in one - More Help for Your Nerves and Peace From Nervous Suffering) by Dr. Claire Weekes. Needs to be read after Book 1, but contains more and updated information.
5. If you suffer from Agoraphobia (fear of places/situations where attacks have occurred), read Simple Effective Treatment of Agoraphobia by Dr. Claire Weekes. Needs to be read after Book 1, but contains more and updated information.
6. If you suffer from OCD, read Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffery M. Schwartz. Gives you an understanding of how the method behind DARE/Dr. Weekes' books can be applied to OCD.
7. If you suffer from Depression, read The Depression Cure by Stephen S. Ilardi. Non medication treatments for depression and anxiety. However, GO SLOW AND AT YOUR OWN PACE.
Good luck, you can do it!
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